My name is April. I am a 41 year old single bisexual MtF Transsexual in the midst of transition.
A few weeks ago I admitted publicly being transgender, and amazingly the world did NOT implode as I had feared. Funny how a revelation that you fear so much in sharing can almost seem to mean nothing to everyone else. I don't mean that in a bad way; rather I am expressing what a big deal it was to me, and how to others it didn't seem like any big deal at all. I was so scared, beforehand, and thought my whole universe was going to crash to a screeching halt.
Discovering that you are transgender is at once the most freeing, liberating, and yet terrifying and confusing revelation I can think of. I can't even describe how it is I really KNEW. It just hit me one day. Everything that never made sense about me and my life suddenly fell together and DID make sense. It was like the world's biggest light bulb popped on over my head. It was my "Eureka!" moment. It seemed that the whole world opened up before me; I saw the possibilities and the promise. I finally understood why I had felt the way I had all my life, and I started to learn what I needed to do. Then, I started seeing the boobytraps and pitfalls. I began to really LEARN what being transgender would mean, if I were to continue and go through with it.
Admitting that you are transgender, and of course beginning transition, changes everything. If you are M2F like me, you have to give up a lot of the 'male privilege', that is if you ever had it to begin with, especially when it concerns jobs and financial security. Living as a woman, you learn quickly how bad women really have it in the working world. You aren't taken seriously, you aren't as well respected (at least not when you aren't in earshot) and you don't earn as much. You also get overlooked for raises and promotions. Then there's the harassment, which would be an entire post in itself.
This is all provided that you finish transitioning, and then begin to live full time in your true gender. During transition, it can be nearly impossible to find or keep a job, especially a decent one. The only real solution there that I can see is to hide the transition for as long as possible (at least in the workplace) until the majority of the work is done, then if possible, transition within the company. If not, you leave (worst case scenario you get fired) and find a job in your new gender.
Gender is a strange and ambiguous thing. Ask someone what makes a man a man and their first response will likely be "they have a penis". What if the penis is destroyed by some horrible accident and the "man" no longer has it? Is he no longer a man? The next response might be hormones. Men have testosterone, women have estrogen. This is true, but what some don't know is that we all (for the most part) have a certain level of each, produced by both our testes/ovaries and pituitary glands. Remove either the testes or ovaries, and the person's hormone levels are generally about even. The next answer might be that women have two X chromosomes, men have XY. While this is true, it is not an across-the-board answer. Other combination's include XXY, XYY, and XO. Each of these carry their own specific "gender" traits that do not follow the norm, and these anomalies happen far more often than most people are aware. If a natal female has a hysterectomy whereby her ovaries and womb are lost, is she then no longer a woman? She can no longer reproduce, has no menstrual cycle, and often has to take estrogen the rest of her life... much like a trans woman such as myself. I may or may not have the "correct" chromosomes, I may have a penis (for now), but those things alone do not prove gender. There is also rather new research that shows that TS people have at least a partially female-wired brain (if MtF) that responds positively to the lack of Testosterone and the increase in Estrogen.
There are plenty of experts who theorize how a person might become trans-gender. It is true that signs of gender variance often begin to occur at a young age in a trans person. What some have begun to theorize in many cases is as follows.
During early stages of fetal development, we are not male or female. We actually have the beginnings of either gender inside our bodies. During a specific stage, the fetus is flooded with either testosterone or estrogen. This hormone flood "maps" the brain of the fetus with a gender identity imprint . It is then determined which gender the new human being will identify with. Later, at another crucial stage in development, the fetus is again flooded with hormones. In "normal" cases, the flood is the same hormone as before, and the fetus's body develops to match the brain. The male bits inside develop, and the female bits are dissolved and reabsorbed into the fetus, or vice versa. The gonads either descend and become testes, or they stay within the body and become ovaries.
What some people believe is that trans people are "mapped" with one gender, then the body develops as the opposite because the flood of hormones at those two crucial stages was different.
Ignorant people who either lack or refuse to accept these things, think that we "decide" or "choose" to be trans. That is not the case. It is simply what we are. We are born with it. We are not freaks. We are not less human. We have rights. We have hearts, minds, souls, feelings, and beliefs. We exist. We deserve equal and fair treatment; whether in the working world, or in medical care. We don't deserve to be ridiculed. We deserve to be respected. We deserve to be loved. We deserve to live.
~April Dawne~
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